A funny thing happens when you hit a certain age…

The metaphorical rucksack of responsibility you’ve been carrying since your 20s suddenly feels less like a chic accessory and more like a sack of bricks. A quick glance over your shoulder reveals a litany of things you’re now accountable for: the mortgage, the kids, your parents, your career, your partner’s happiness, the dog’s dental hygiene… and suddenly, the idea of “crushing it” feels less like a goal and more like an impending doom.

We’re told that responsibility is a sign of maturity, a badge of honour. But what they don’t tell you is how it can quietly, relentlessly, crush your soul. It’s the late-night work emails, the school run dash in the rain, the silent weight of knowing everyone depends on you. It’s the reason you’re currently reading this on your phone while hiding in the kitchen, pretending to make a cup of tea – or perhaps you’ve done the old classic, and gone for a stubborn number 2!

And yet, some people seem to thrive on repsonsibilty. They juggle board meetings and bake sales with an unsettling, almost inhuman, grace. They’re the ones who say, “I just love a challenge!” while you’re trying to remember if you’ve paid the water bill. What’s the secret? Is it a different wiring in the brain, or is it simply a different way of looking at the weight we carry?

The Burden of the ‘Responsible’ Adult

Let’s be honest, the word “responsible” has a pretty grim ring to it. It’s the antithesis of freedom, the opposite of carefree. We’re in an era of unprecedented connectivity, where the demand for our attention is constant. We’re expected to be ‘on’ 24/7. And it’s taking its toll.

A recent study by TLDR on burnout in the tech industry noted, “The expectation of constant availability, driven by ‘always-on’ technology, is blurring the lines between work and personal life. This pervasive sense of duty is leading to record levels of chronic stress and anxiety among professionals.” (TLDR, May 2025). We’re essentially on a digital leash, forever tethered to the next notification, the next demand. It’s no wonder we feel like we’re drowning.

This perpetual state of responsibility is a significant factor in decision fatigue. Every choice, no matter how small, saps a bit of our mental energy. What’s for dinner? Which school is best? Do I switch jobs? Should I book that holiday? It’s a relentless onslaught of choices that leaves us feeling drained and unable to make the big decisions that might actually change our lives for the better. We’re so busy being responsible for the minutiae that we forget to be responsible for our own happiness.

Crushing It… Without Getting Crushed

So, how do you go from being crushed by responsibility to crushing it? The answer isn’t a silver bullet or a one-size-fits-all solution. It’s a series of small, intentional adjustments to your mindset and your actions.

1. Reframe ‘Responsibility’ as ‘Response-ability’

A fascinating concept from the world of psychology is that of ‘response-ability’—the ability to choose your response. Human beings are not just creatures of habit; we are creatures of choice. The true power lies in our ability to respond to a situation, rather than simply react to it. Instead of seeing a responsibility as a burden, see it as an opportunity to choose your response. You can choose to be overwhelmed, or you can choose to be strategic. You can choose to resent the school run, or you can choose to use that time to listen to a good podcast or have a proper chat with your child. It’s a subtle shift, but it’s a powerful one.

2. The Art of Strategic Neglect

It’s time to admit that not all responsibilities are created equal. Some are vital, like paying the mortgage. Others, like perfectly matching your kid’s socks, are not. The concept of Strategic Neglect is about consciously and deliberately choosing to drop the ball on certain things. It’s about giving yourself permission to be imperfect. The world will not end if you serve cereal for dinner one night. Your kids won’t be traumatised if their bedroom isn’t Pinterest-perfect.

3. Set Digital Boundaries

Our phones are a major culprit in this feeling of being constantly ‘on’. They are the embodiment of our responsibilities, pinging and flashing with every new demand. One of the most effective things you can do is to create a clear boundary between your digital life and your real one. Leave the phone in another room during dinner. Set specific times to check work emails. Simple acts of disconnection are becoming a key tool for professional resilience. The most successful professionals are those who master the art of being ‘offline’ when it matters most, allowing for a necessary period of cognitive and emotional recovery.

The weight of responsibility will always be there, but you don’t have to let it crush you. It’s about finding the balance between doing what you must and doing what makes you feel alive. It’s about being present, not just productive.

I’d love to know your thoughts on this.

• What is the one responsibility that feels the heaviest to you right now?
• What’s one thing you’ve started strategically neglecting?

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